One night !!

I dont know where else to write or whom else to talk to .. :) what the fuck is happening in my life and to me ... I'm worried .. well to tell you the truth I'm more than worried ... I'm confused :) I'm a little out of my mind and I can always blame it on my freaking hormones .. and I know I m blabbering .. so please excuse me ..  but last night something happened .. I have seen my past few years in a different way .. for a change in a way, people in my life (at that time) wanted  me to see things. I felt a bit sad , confused and I'm angry on myself for being such an asshole and not listening to them. For one flash second I started missing them as well .. my god this is the scary part .. I even wanted to call them and apolozige to them for being such a jerk. Can you believe it ..??  thinking of things or atleast giving them a thought from other persons shoes sometimes make me feel I screwed up and I screwed up bad, I guess I already know it. Until now this is my life in retrospect and I ended up having a bad night .. no this is not happening again I thought ( am I sure ? no never ) .. what should I do to avoid this and if I had to think one night 4 or 5 or even 2 years from now , I m sure I dont want to cry all over again.

Sometimes, or may be most of the times, I thought, this is all about settling , adjusting , loving and living with anyone or anything u want to live with .. atleast now I think I dont think so anymore .. like I said before I m blabbering and dont mind me .. I will tell you all a short and not so good story .. there was a boy and there was a girl .. both were friends and they wanted to be to-gether for ever. But things and situations changed as they grew up .. and one fine day the girl left the boy saying that she need to move on and that we were never meant for do or die. Boys heart broke. All he could do is to try to get back to her no matter what because, he was telling the truth , that he had no one except this girl. They went on and off and on and off. She kept on saying that there will be a day when he will find his perfect sweet heart and it will all be ok. No matter what and she kept on saying that all I want you know , you couldnt have loved me better and its my choice to move on and he is not to be blamed. But when the day came and when things were alright (just like she said, he found his perfect sweet heart) she was the most happiest person. As days passed by, years went on  and when there was no one in her life or lets put it this way when all bad things happened .. and when she has to deal them all alone .. she remembered her friend who were always by her side no matter what .. and she just wished to see him and apolozige to him for pushing him away !! She thought she loved him enough and let go but only to know that life was and will be never the same without him. Regret !! is the word -she thought .. had her glass of wine and moved on !!!! - cheers to the life we lived and cheers to the one yet to come said Anna my recruiter, who told me this strory yesterday when we had our new year party :) ! I then told her what a year mine started  as .. a super bad one and asked out her's? She then said.. no matter how it is or what it is .. you have only one choice my dear - keep moving on !!!

So, this is where I kept thinking !! Life is such a bitch !! Be it happiness or sadness, be it failure or success , be it love or hate , for that matter let it be anything ... like said in that movie "Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hold onto." Keep doing what you gotta do .. true ? false? who cares as long as the purpose is met and alas I survived a day already no matter how bad or good it is !!