I found finally some time today to come back and blog ... many thoughts many ideas many feelings but cannot be put forth in words to explain or write to someone who show how I feel ...

All through this life till now, I have been with different people.Everyone handling the same thing in a different way !! I started to wonder myself .. if a person doesnt tell u something even doesnt lie to you about it and say that I cant tell u things or its not the right time to speak with you about stuff or whatever .. , but one fine morning when u knew something that you shouldnt would you blame them for not telling them whats happened? or would you just walk out of there and make a cup of coffee and think that everything has a reason and I just hope they have a good one and I should be ok with it ?
or .. if someone tells u a lie about something you shouldnt know and one fine day you know the entire truth and will you start calling them liars and walk out thinking that enough is enough and you had enough with them in life ..

In either cases, probably the aim of the person doing that is same: we shouldnt know the facts or atleast for now you dont need to know anything or that they are not yet ready to tell you everything .. but the ways they choose make them a different person? one being an intelligent one who knows how to handle stuff and other being a dumb ass ? either way their secret is protected unless they dont want to or something otherwise happens ... ??

So much to think about .. so much has happened in life that no matter how hard people hurt you, sometimes its hard to hate them. I always thought that someday .. atleast something will be alright in life.. but looking around me .. I just cant see that anymore. No true love or friendship either. People talk because you talk to them .. people care because you care for them .. I started wondering are we the same people 10-15 years back? Sometimes, we feel like walking away from all the stuff that had ever happened to you and hoping that you are living in a sane world ( atleast in your terms) and that someone will always be there for you and accept and love you for what you are rather than what you are not or rather than how they want to see you to be ..

Mysterious , they call the life is .. isnt it? why do we have to care or worry about anything in life .. it's supposed to be simple isnt it? When I was a kid, my G'dad always used to tell me that there is almost nothing in this world to fear about ... we gotta do the right thing even though it might hurt people around you, but how do you decide whats right and whats wrong? He also once told me that we need to have atleast one person to trust us and care for us . The one person can be our world and that the T.S.Elliot's line of " I can show you fear in a handful of dust" will never apply to us. I was then so small to understand what he meant but now I know or may I can interpret that he spoke about death.
We dont fear death we fear that no one will notice our absence and that we will disappear without a trace. All ever anyone wanted is a heart whom we can believe and love and care and does the same for us .. but when we really have it .. do we notice it?
I was once told that we will always have the person whom we always wanted and needed in life is just right about the corner and we are so busy looking for it ... I always thought is it true :) Did  I miss that someone already :)

Whatever it is .. or how ever life is I do miss some people and always thought in multiple ways about the same..
"You can shed tears that he is gone,
or you can smile because he has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that he'll come back ,
or you can open your eyes and see all he's left.
Your heart can be empty because you cant see him,
or you can be full of love he shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him only that he is gone,
or you can cherish his memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back.
Or you can do what he'd want:
smile,open your eyes, love and go on"

These were once given to me from an good old friend when I was thinking about my G'dad and Sabari. Thanks to him, today I was able to read them on again and feel something good about.